“Do you like Pina Coladas,”
Eh. They’re OK.
“And getting caught in the rain?”
“If you’re not into yoga”
I prefer the elliptical, myself.
“If you have half a brain”
Please. Don’t go there.
“If you’d like making love at midnight”
I much prefer about 8:30 AM!
“In the dunes on the Cape”
Awww, come on dear!
I prefer the mud….
Hey now! Let’s….
Oh get a room you two!
We’re good on “the taste of champagne,” right?
Oh definitely. In fact I like it when you….
That’s it. Back in the drawer for both of you!
[Muffled] Oooh! How convenient!
I can’t control them, folks.
The Pina Colada. No discussion of Tiki drinks can be complete without examining this, the Disco music of cocktails. I’ll be upfront here, I’ve never been a fan. I was too young to drink them back when they were “superseding the Martini”, and the few I’ve had since came from a frozen mix or a Fat Tuesday’s slurpee machine.
As a drink, the Pina Colada was perfect for the late ’70s and early 80’s. It was sweet and goopy enough for chicks to drink enormous numbers of, thus having an excuse to go home with guys they still knew they shouldn’t. They could be mass-produced and still taste like they were sort of supposed to, giving them a Tiki vibe without all the work or cost. And then there was that damn song. Two lovers who simultaneously choose to cheat on each other, and accidentally end up “cheating” with each other. Really? Is this what passed for relationships back then? And how about a show of hands from all you who think this is how this situation would have really gone down. Anyone? One guy, in the back. Dude, life has some hard lessons for you when you grow up!
All that said, where there is smoke, there is usually fire. There have been about fifty billion of these drinks made; at some point they had to have been decent. There is no “official, original” Pina Colada recipe. Witness this plaque, commemorating the birth of Puerto Rico considers its official drink, in 1963. It commemorates a pretty neat trick, considering the New York Times mentioned the Pina Colada as a Cuban drink in 1950. Basically, one thing is clear: It is a blender drink that uses rum, pineapple and coconut. Beyond that, your guess is as good as mine.
So, time to toss on the Hawaiian print lab coat and repair to the
Pegu Tiki Lounge and try to assemble a more than simply drinkable Pina Colada. It took a few rounds to come up with something worth posting, and it took some more ingredients and a blend of rums to do it.
- 1.5 oz. Kilo Kai spiced rum
- 1.5 oz. Mount Gay Eclipse Silver
- 3 oz. Coco Real
- .5 oz. fresh lime juice
- .5 oz. Cointreau
- 4 oz. pack, Dole Pineapple Tidbits
- 2 cups ice
Combine in blender and blend until smooth as John Travolta’s white polyester suit.
First off, why am I using my daughters’ pineapple snacks in this cocktail, instead of cutting up some fresh and adding juice? Shut up, that’s why.
Seriously, these cups are just the right size for this. And I can’t get my little demons to eat their pineapple anyway!
This final product is sweet, but manages to show through some of the character of the underlying ingredients. It’s not bad, and there is enough going in here to actually call it a cocktail, instead of merely a drink.
It would be better in another setting. For instance, I’d rather be warm when drinking something this slushy. And it would taste a lot better if you are smelling salt air when consuming it. If you have any salt air to breathe, how about inviting me to visit?