Um, Yeah….

bottle_productSo, what are we to do with this?
“This” is Devotion Vodka. It is the world’s first protein-infused vodka.

…!

Really.

Oh come on!
Pull the other one.

I wish I was kidding you.
I found this via Kevin at Cocktail Enthusiast, who does a great job giving the Joe Friday about this product, for which I applaud him. He also has a better joke than any I’ve come up with on the subject, which makes me irritated.
But a blogger soldiers on when called, and I’ll see what I can add.
Devotion could not more completely crystallize the problems facing the vodka industry if it tried. In theory, unlike all other spirits, the better a vodka gets, the more indistinguishable it should become from its premium competitors. (In practice, this isn’t the case, but I’ll leave that be). Thus, vodkas differentiate themselves first and foremost by packaging. The problem is that apparently, very few vodka bottle designers understand this whole “differentiation” idea. You don’t separate yourself by using the same basic bottle (upright, frosted, with a stopper) and paint a different picture on it.

Seriously, Grey Goose and Belvedere did it first, did it best, and you just accentuate the homogeneity you are trying to avoid by aping the same style.

The next thing the vodka industry is doing is “infusing” or “flavoring” the product with wilder and wilder ingredients. When you flavor a product that is supposed to the be definition of flavorless, it has always struck me as akin to marketing crotchless chastity belts. Your blackberry-infused vodka is not vodka. It’s a blackberry liquor. Give it its own name and maybe it’ll last as a product, if it’s any good.
Devotion at least has an idea that doesn’t actually change the flavor profile (or lack thereof) of the vodka. They claim that if it does anything, it smooths out the burn a bit.

I still have no idea what the heck they think they are accomplishing with putting a muscle-recovery protein product in a vodka.
It’s the last stuff you want to drink after a workout.

The last thing that vodka companies try to do to differentiate themselves is employ hyperbole that spirals ever upward to more and more ridiculous heights. Kevin has some of the more incoherent or illogical quotes from Devotion in his post, so I’ll just go with the straight-up, over-the-top-Tommy things on their website:

The protein used in the Devotion Vodka blend is PeptoPro® and casein, PeptoPro® , which was developed (as) a recovery ingredient for fast muscle refueling. … PeptoPro® officially tested free and free of doping substances….

So there you have it. You can hammer back the Devotion and still be eligible for the Tour de France! Drink up, boys.

By entering the market at a similar price as Grey Goose, the brand will immediately position itself as an ultra-premium vodka at a premium price.

So let me get this straight: Just price your product at the same level as the leading competitor and the market will straightaway accept you as being on a par with said competitor? If only Yugo had priced their car at the same cost as a Mercedes 300SE, they could have been a luxury car maker.

Established in 2008, Devotion Spirits is the first company in the world to offer a completely new category in ultra-premium spirits, and marketed under a single brand. (Really? No one has ever offered a new category of spirit before?) The Company was dreamed up by entrepreneur Drew Adelman, a nightlife and dining aficionado and fitness buff who was searching for a way to marry his two passions. (If you marry two passions, the bigamy police will come for you, dude) The result was Devotion Vodka, the first ever protein-infused spirit. The spirit boasts 80 proof, triple distilled vodka (made from the finest corn) (vodka is very seldom made from corn), flawlessly infused with PeptoPro® casein, packaged in a sexy bottle.

Got it. Reasonably pure vodka, check. Infused with something that does not belong in it, check. Bottled in a “sexy” bottle, check. Yup. Real ground-breaking stuff here.
At the least, once Devotion actually goes into production, you will be able to go up to a woman in a bar and say, “How’d you like a sip of my protein beverage?” and not get slapped. Maybe.


RELATED POST

  1. Ken Moorhead

    6 November

    I intend to buy a bottle, and only one, for the express purpose of making bad “protein shake” jokes.

      (Quote)  (Reply)

  2. jsallison

    8 November

    made from corn, he says. Wouldn’t that be more moonshine than vodka? Now there’s a market niche begging to be filled, upscale ‘shine…

      (Quote)  (Reply)

  3. jsallison

    8 November

    And in a frosted, *clean* mason jar. I need to start courting venture capitalists, there are still some out there, right? [cricketchirp=1]

      (Quote)  (Reply)

  4. Doug

    9 November

    jsallison,

    Patience grasshopper. You are getting ahead of my editorial queue! Stay tuned, and all that.
    I was thinking exactly that when I wrote that snark.

      (Quote)  (Reply)

  5. Doug

    10 November

    Alright jsallison, the answer to your heart’s desire is right here.

      (Quote)  (Reply)

  6. jsallison

    11 November

    Sigh, yet another in the right idea, wrong time category…

      (Quote)  (Reply)

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