If Cocktail Blog Comment Sections Were Like the Rest of the Internet

In the waning hours of Tiki Month, I made a few comments about how nice it was to have so many comments over so many posts, and noted that there aren’t enough comments in general on cocktail blogs. Mine especially, alas.

I’ve been thinking about it since, and come to the conclusion that this is not completely bad. Let’s discuss what would happen if the comment sections of the Cocktailosphere looked like YouTube or your average political blog….

The first thing to understand about our comment sections is that they are sparse mostly because of our existing traffic levels. Fewer readers by extension leads to fewer comments. To understand the difference in scale, this is the first year my traffic is high enough that a single link from political/cool stuff aggregator Instapundit would not be 25% of my annual hits.
The first problem with lots of comments is this guy:

followed swiftly by this guy:

Of course, I would never have this particular visitor, but some of my fellow bloggers would quickly become close, personal friends with this guy:

The real fun would begin as a larger commenter base would inevitably lead to controversy…

  1. 7

    Bob Says:
    August 15th, 2012 at 7:27 pm
    I dunno. I think that you’re using too much lemon juice there.

  2. 8

    Steve Says:
    August 15th, 2012 at 8:08 pm
    Forget the lemon juice issue. This just seems like a bit of a waste of good Glenfiddich.

  3. 9

    Caps Lock Guy Says:
    August 15th, 2012 at 8:09 pm
    IT IS AN ABOMINATION TO MIX SINGLE MALT WITH ANYTHING!! INCLUDING ICE!!!

  4. 10

    Caps Lock Guy Says:
    August 15th, 2012 at 8:10 pm
    EVEN MELTED ICE!

Bloggers with controversy in their comments love it because, as Rule 4 says, controversy drives traffic. But what kind of controversy would really take hold on cocktail blogs?

  1. 3

    CosmoGirl8675309 Says:
    August 25th, 2012 at 9:27 pm
    Thanks for this review on the new Aputure Vodka. I’ve been wanting to try it.

  2. 4

    Trudy Says:
    August 25th, 2012 at 10:08 pm
    My state’s Liquor control bored doesn’t let them sell it here! Some friends and me are organizing a protest outside their headquarters. Who’s with us? #OccupyLiquorStores

  3. 5

    The Vodkatologist Says:
    August 25th, 2012 at 10:11 pm
    Honestly, how you can recommend this pisswater with a straight face is beyond me. It says very little for your abilities as a reviewer. I see you didn’t even mention that they make this… fluid with potatoes and wheat. How anyone thinks they can get away with selling anything other pure RYE vodka to today’s sophisticated drinker is completely beyond my ken. Did they PAY you to not mention the wheat? Did they?

  4. 6

    Clint Says:
    August 25th, 2012 at 10:20 pm
    Another rant from your twisted mind about rye, Vodkatologist. Give it up, potato is the only proper base for liquor.

  5. 7

    Matt Robold Says:
    August 25th, 2012 at 10:21 pm
    There is simply no hope for any of you people.

One of the good things about real cocktail blog comments is that most commentators are civil and knowledgeable. With 300 commenters on a single post, this will end… because there aren’t 300 civil and knowledgeable people on the internet.

  1. 45

    Skipper Says:
    August 5th, 2012 at 11:27 pm
    I fail to see why you want us to use so many damn ingredients in this drink. I seems like you could replace everything but the orgeat with blackberry brandy and you’re done.

  2. 4

    JerseyGuy Says:
    August 5th, 2012 at 11:28 pm
    Fag.

And of course, with this sort of discussion, The Rule would make an appearance.

  1. 23

    CosmoGirl8675309 Says:
    September 7th, 2012 at 8:27 pm
    I wish you hadn’t posted this recipe. I had only seven of them last week at a bar and I threw up!

  2. 24

    Trudy Says:
    September 7th, 2012 at 8:33 pm
    I know girl! And what kind of bar throws you out fur just a little spew in the corner?
    Violet Hour suxxx.

  3. 25

    Skippy77 Says:
    September 7th, 2012 at 8:39 pm
    You blew chunks in the middle of Violet Hour?!?
    They should have thrown you out long before you spewed, you lush!

  4. 26

    Clint Says:
    September 7th, 2012 at 8:41 pm
    Hey! THEIR DRINK WERE WHAT MADE ME THROW UP! PEOPLE PUKE IN BARS! WHAT KIND OF HITLER OPERATION THROWS PEEPS FOR DOING WHAT COMES NATURAL?

  5. 27

    Godwin Says:
    September 7th, 2012 at 8:42 pm
    Invoked….

This is only a sample. Help me out in the comments with some of your dreams nightmares of what Cocktailosphere comments would look like with ten times the traffic.

About the author

Doug

I am 48 years old, married with two young daughters. My interests are tennis, reading, computers, politics, and of course cocktails. I run a murder mystery party business that caters to both corporate and private events, Killing Time, murder consultants.

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