This learned-looking individual is Simon Brooking, Beam Suntory’s much-awarded Scotch Brand Ambassador. He just visited Columbus to educate the bar-noscienti on Laphroaig, Bowmore, and Auchentoshen. I got a chance to meet him at our USBG presentation. I’ve said it before, and I’ll iterate it here: If you are good enough to be a major brand Global Ambassador, I will happily listen to you talk all day.
I won’t go into the details of his presentation, because I was enjoying myself too much to take notes. But I did want to post here about the fact that Simon began his talk with a Scottish responsible drinking disclaimer. I was unaware that my ancestral people had drinking disclaimers. I was under the impression that Scots knew it was time to stop drinking when they started missing their mouths with the glass…. Anyway, here is the one he read:
Being moderately taken, (whiskey) sloweth age. It strengthen youth. It cutteth phlegm, abandon melancholy, lighten the mind. It preserveth the head from whirling, the tongue from lisping, the teeth from chattering, the stomach from wombling, the heart from swelling, the hands from shivering, the veins form crumbling.
Truly, it is a sovereign drink… if it be orderly taken.
Wait. 1578?!? They had safe drinking messages in 1578?
Livers didn’t have superpowers back then either. Honestly, I see nothing debatable about this, even today.