Category - Rule 2

A Heartfelt Plea
SideBlog: Andrew Bohrer’s Cocktail Menu Bingo
Notes on Opening Your New Year’s Eve Champagne
SideBlog: Backpacking and Booze

A Heartfelt Plea

Ron Jeremy just doesn’t get any respect. This auteur is one of the most prolific actors and directors working in the cinema today. Not to mention the fact that his entire career is one huge blow after another to the pernicious “Lookism” so rampant in the Business. (And by The Business, I do mean The Industry!)

Yet, despite these impeccable credentials as film master and social justice icon, and the fact that the evidence of his Jewish upbringing is both enormous and well-documented, the Canadian Powers That Be relentlessly refuse to allow his films to be shown at the Toronto Jewish Film Festival! The video above is Ron’s heartfelt and subtle appeal for this ban to end, expressed in a short film, as befitting this heir to Orson Wells.

Oh, and I continue to believe that Ron’s ron, er, rum is under-appreciated as well. I’m actually serious here. Ron de Jeremy is not at all an all-purpose rum, but it honestly, no shit, makes a wonderful Rum Old Fashioned. And it has one of the more brilliant ad campaigns out there. I can’t recommend visiting the website and exploring its offerings enough… especially once you are two or more drinks in.

(H/T: Sploid)

SideBlog: Andrew Bohrer’s Cocktail Menu Bingo

Cocktail Menu Bingo from Cask Strength. “How to write a good cocktail menu” or “How to not write a cocktail menu like a f*cking hack.” Andrew Bohrer has some good, if a bit overly restrictive, advice.

Notes on Opening Your New Year’s Eve Champagne

One of the best parts of New Year’s Eve is the Champagne…

To make French 75s with!

No. Although those are delicious, Esquire’s David Wondrich describes them as “a hot-rails-to-hell spree drink“. While I’m sure there are a few who would disagree with me, I think that the point is to make New Year’s Eve memories, not New Year’s blackouts.

Mmmmm… French 75s….

No! No, this post is about straight champagne. Or more to the point, opening champagne. If you don’t know what you are doing, you can put someone’s eye out with that cork. Or you could spill your, um, swill upon the ground like Elvis up there. I have a few suggestions for opening your bottle.

Many of you may have seen this video from my hero Alton Brown about opening your chapagne. It is a simple and easy process!

So, for that method, you just need cold champagne and a cavalry saber… Um… even I don’t have a cavalry saber! I’ll have to see about fixing that for next year. Watch this space. Also, you still are opening the bottle close to your face, so if you get it wrong, spray is still an issue.

So my real offering this New Year is this video, because when you open your champagne bottle with a .50 caliber sniper rifle, you can certainly manage to be out of range of any minor spray that may result!

See! Foolproof!

If you have a stone cold sober sniper.
…and a fitty cal.
…and several backup bottles of Cristal!

OK. True, cavalry sabers and sniper rifles might be considered somewhat dangerous elements to add to your drunken revelry. Just remember, neither is as dangerous as what the guests have out in the parking lot.

I’ll finish with a single piece of sensible advice, because I ought to dispense such at least once a year, and this is my last chance.

Opening champagne is really simple to do with no mess at all.

  1. Keep your bubbly chilled and unshaken. If it is disturbed enough to “help” the cork come out, you are going to loose half the liquid when it follows the cork out the neck upon opening.
  2. Hold the bottle upright and gently remove the wire.
  3. Always keep the neck pointed at a light fixture-free section of the ceiling.
  4. Grab the cork in your fist from the side, not the top.
  5. Gently but firmly rotate the cork in the neck of the bottle. The key to removing a champagne cork is rotation, not bending or pushing!
  6. Do this slowly back and forth and the cork will slowly start to ease its way out. When it starts to come out, don’t get excited and pull harder. Just hold it firmly until it works its way loose.

With an inaudible pop, the cork will be gently loose in your hand, and every damn drop of champagne will remain in the bottle for your guests’ enjoyment.

There, you’re done! And with all the money you save on carpet cleaning, drywall repair, and Obamacare co-pays, you can upgrade to a decent bottle of champagne you won’t need to chug to get down.


SideBlog: Backpacking and Booze

Backpacking and Booze: How to best drink in the wilderness. Spoiler alert… liquor’s initial popularity wasn’t because it tasted better back then than wine or beer (it did not), but because it made better freight.

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