Category - Political Controversies

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Mid-Term Election Night Drinking Game
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Presidential Drinking Habits
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SideBlog: Kentucky’s Gonna Be Invading Australia ANY Day Now
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SideBlog: Hey, We Know We Can’t Get Away With Trying Prohibition Again…

Mid-Term Election Night Drinking Game

blitzer-election-night
It is Election Day once again in America. Actually, for well or weal, it is the end of Election Month in America, but this is the day that average folks pay the most attention. A whopping 25% of American citizens will have voted by the close of the polls today, which puts this up there in the Monica and Chandler’s wedding territory as far a capturing the nation’s zeitgeist…. So, as is our national tradition when we are all watching the same event, and listening to a diverse group of people all saying the same predictable things about it, we need a drinking game to take away the pain.

This list is hardly exhaustive. Also, given my own political leanings, it may be a bit harder on the Blue Team talking heads. Therefore, I’d like your help. If there is an obvious drinking opportunity I’ve missed, please let me know in the comments or mention it to me on Twitter at @DAWinship. I’m also looking for suggestions for presidential tropes for the big game in two years.
{I’ll update as long as I get good suggestions. Additions from other folks are in italics.}

These lists get long, so I’d suggest you and your crew select your favorites from it and follow only them… unless you are Debbie Wasserman Schultz, who may need all of them to get through this night.

  • Every time a race is called for an incumbent, take a sip.
  • Every time an incumbent is defeated, drink once.
  • Every time a pundit on your side says something you think is patently untrue, drink once.
  • Every time a pundit not on your side says something you think is patently untrue, do nothing. (Or you will wake up in the hospital with a pumped stomach.)
  • Every time someone says something about the Kochs, drink once.
  • Every time someone says something about Tom Steyer, drink three times.
  • Every time a pundit mentions the fact that Kansas voters hate both of their major candidates for Senate, drink once.
  • Every time the phrase “Tight as a tick” is used, drink twice. If you are merely drinking beer instead of something stronger, drink once for all other Ratherisms.
  • Should LA or GA go to a run-off for Senate, drink three times.
  • If something weird happens with the FL gubernatorial election, drink three times.
  • If any of the “wave indicator” elections goes the GOP’s way, have an extra shot. (MA, MD, CT governor. NH, VA, KS senate.)
  • Every time a partisan pundit has to choke back a sob, drink once.
  • Every time a supposedly non-partisan anchor has to choke back a sob, drink twice.
  • When a pundit excuses a loss for his team based on “Dark” or “outside” money, drink once.
  • Every time a righty pundit darkly alludes to the “margin of fraud“, drink twice.
  • Every time a lefty pundit complains of voter suppression, take a sip.
  • If a righty pundit uses the phrase “the deep state“, drink three times.
  • Any time a pundit uses race to excuse a loss, drink once.
  • Any time a Democrat pundit blames the President for a loss, take a sip.
  • Every time a pundit outright blames a loss on voter stupidity, drink twice.
  • Any time a righty brings up, Benghazi, Fast & Furious, or Lois Lerner and the IRS, take a sip.(Just Me)
  • Keep a separate glass beside you. Every time there is cross-talk, add a splash to the glass. Any time some cross-talk continues obliviously right into the commercial break, chug the glass.
  • If anyone says something apocalyptic like “this is the End of Democracy”, take a drink. (@KevinInABQ)
  • At any poll closing, if they project the winner before a single vote is counted, take a drink.
  • If anyone projects a winner in a state before all its polls are closed (e.g. FL and TX), do two shots.
  • Every time someone trots out the idea that a GOP takeover of the Senate would be a bad thing for Republicans, take a shot.

At popular request, I’ve added a network-specific section, to add spice to your selection of who to watch.
FoxNews

  • Any time Karl Rove deploys his little white board, take a sip. (@JackMColdcuts)
  • When Frank Luntz speaks, do half a shot, spin five times, and finish your shot. (Matt Hamlin)
  • When right-wing pundits get into an argument of immigration, do a shot.
  • The first state that goes Democrat after Rove promised it would go Republican, take a drink. If Rove then pleads that the network retract its projection, finish the glass.

MSNBC, and its subsidiary, NBC News

  • Every time a pundit or anchor reveals a genuine incredulity that anyone votes Republican, take a sip.
  • Should anyone on their air or in their crawl declare the intent to “leave the country”, drink twice.(@KevinInABQ)
  • If Maddow at any point just throws up her hands and says, “Screw it! Lets just talk cocktail recipes”, then go ahead and drink with her.

CNN, CBS, ABC

  • Any time Gee Whiz techno-wizardy such as pinch to zoom touchscreens, 3D popups, etc. is used, take a sip. If they brag about its earth-shatteringly advanced awesomeness, take two drinks.
  • If the hologram comes out, take three drinks the first time, and a shot thereafter. (Matt Hamlin)
  • If they report on a an issue you’ve heard about for days, weeks, or months as if it were totally new to the public eye, take a drink.

Add the following list should the Republicans manage to get to 51 senate seats (and you are still sober enough to read):

  • When the GOP gain control of the Senate, drink five times. (Champagne for Republicans, brown liquor for Democrats)
  • Every time a left-leaning pundit or non-partisan anchor uses the phrase, “this is not a wave”, drink once.
  • Every time a right-leaning pundit openly mocks whomever is sitting across from him, drink once.
  • Every time a lefty pundit denies that the Republicans have a “mandate” from this election, take a sip.
  • Should an anchor casually dismiss the idea that Republicans have a mandate from the election, drink once.
  • Should a righty pundit make grandiose claims about a huge mandate, drink once.

If the Senate ends up 50/50, putting Joe Biden in charge… Drink heavily until you run out of all the alcohol you own.

That’s all I have right now. I know there is lots more, for the wonk and the casual observer alike. Again, help me out in the comments or on Twitter. Please be sure to play this game only where you intend to sleep for the night, or where you have a friend who will be playing Dungeons & Dragons in the next room and staying the hell away from this game.

Finally, if you do want to geek out on the politics tonight, may I suggest you keep the Ace of Spades HQ Decision Desk open in one of your browser windows? It is run by conservatives and libertarians for the most part but they are ruthlessly committed to accurate election results, not cheerleading, and their massive nationwide volunteer apparatus is usually ahead of the AP in collecting vote results. Keep an eye on them and you may know what the people on your TV will be talking excitedly about twenty minutes later.

Welcome Sidebar-reading Morons! This is where I spend my writing time, instead of in the comments at the HQ. I hope you wander around the rest of the site!

Presidential Drinking Habits

Obama gives a thumbs-up as he celebrates St. Patrick's Day in Washington
The New York Post has just published a nifty little piece of scholarship by Mark Will-Weber entitled “A Complete List of Every President’s Favorite Drink”. I was just going to link it in the SideBlog, but there is enough stuff here to share some highlights without stealing so much you won’t read the original. Some of this I already knew, but most I did not. It is a fun and quick read.

It is an illuminating historical fact that of America’s Founding Fathers, only Washington died wealthy. In fact, virtually all the rest died broke. Perhaps some of the reason for this is because, while Washington was the continent’s biggest liquor producer, he never drank it, preferring the odd porter instead. In contrast, Jefferson bankrupted himself on expensive wine, and James Monroe spent the White House furniture budget on 100 cases of French wine and Champagne.

Martin Van Buren was a heavy drinker, who liked a New York-made Genever variant called Scheidam. Anyone ever heard of this stuff?

We had some bad presidents in the lead-up to the Civil War, and their drinking habits are in keeping with that. Millard Fillmore was a near teetotaler, and with a name like that to tote around, a sane man would need an occasional belt. He was followed by Franklin Pierce, who died of cirrhosis, and James Buchanan, who drank Iberia dry.

The Rutherford B. Hayes White House staff would resort to spiking the punch because his wife was a Prohibitionist, but she caught on and substituted their rum with artificial flavoring behind their backs. If you merged a period costume film with Porky’s, you get a Hayes state dinner, I guess.

Read the entry for Grover Cleveland. No really, read it. I can’t steal it.

William McKinley had an official campaign cocktail. An Official. Campaign. Cocktail.

Harry Truman started most days with a shot of bourbon and a massage. The only man to ever nuke anyone didn’t play around.

Finally, if LBJ had been president when MADD was founded… they would not have gotten along. For why, and plenty of other good stuff, click the link.

SideBlog: Kentucky’s Gonna Be Invading Australia ANY Day Now

Kentucky will be invading Australia any day now. When it comes to Appellations, Kentuckians are exactly like the French. (The joke is from Sku.)

SideBlog: Hey, We Know We Can’t Get Away With Trying Prohibition Again…

Hey, we know we can’t get away with trying Prohibition again, so let’s just tax alcohol until no one can afford it instead! With bonus thought of: And pot is great, but only if we make sure that the government strictly controls your personal use of it.
These friggin’ people.
Thoughts from rational people.

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