IF you didn’t like the piece below on manly beer opening… How about a beer bottle opener that pops open a whole case at one time? It is not on the same plane of manliness, but it’s right there in dudeliness.

The manliest beer bottle opener in the history of time. No really, guys, this dude makes girlies of us all. You too, Chuck Norris. (Video)

Cap Zappa, the bottle opener that can then shoot the cap across the room! Almost fun enough to make it worth drinking beer. Via LikeCool.

Beer’s most expensive ingredient. Weighing in at a whopping 45% of the retail price, the most expensive ingredient in beer is… Government!

Hey! You didn’t brew that!

Here’s another darned good reason to have Tiki Month: These are the top 10 selling beers in America….

If she’s not mad at this poor dude when she sees this picture, her dad will be. Or his regular girlfriend. Or maybe his boss.
Or worst of all, maybe that is his girlfriend… in the purple dress….

So here’s the thing: Many of you think Social Media is your friend.
Many of you are wrong.
The web is full of cautionary tales and earnest advice about taking care of your privacy. And lots of people heed that advice. But then they pick up a drink.
Tequila wants you to post that picture of your wild (or even mild) antics with that hot chick who isn’t your girlfriend. But even if you’ve only had enough tequila to hang with the chick, but not enough to go putting pix of it on the web, be aware that Tequila is also whispering in that douchebag Steve’s ear. It is telling him to post pictures of you that you may not even notice he took. Google Cache is forever.

In fact, you don’t even need to be drunk to have an embarrassing picture taken of you.

Senator Kerry, your dark glasses aren’t really obscuring where you are looking here….

So what do you do? Stay home all the time and never have any fun in public? Douchebag Steve and his cell camera are at your party at home as well, because he’s actually a cool dude most of the time. But Tequila is there too, advising him to FaceBook you right now, before anyone sobers up.

Social Media is hungry for content. We are generally eager to supply that content, even sober. To illustrate, I have 6,262 total tweets, while only saying perhaps twelve things worth mentioning.
Drinking has been letting causing us to behave badly since the first Friday after beer was invented. But antics from a hazy evening could usually be dismissed in the sober light of day. It’s in the past, no harm done, and hey, we were drunk and it probably wasn’t really that bad anyway. The advent of cellphones that can take a picture and post it before anyone sobers up and discards the evidence changes this dynamic considerably. Despite the advertising slogan, what happens in Vegas, stays in a FaceBook server farm on the Arctic Circle in Sweden.

Without this photo, the memories of everyone in the photo would be significantly different….

The problem with all this discussion is that, like the weather, everyone talks about it, but no one does anything about it.
Until now.
Argentine beer maker, Cerveza Norte, has come up with the Patriot Missile Battery of drunken FaceBook defense, the Fotostop.

Yes, it’s a beer cooler.
But it turns this photo from Steve’s Android…

…into this photo:

That little square on the cooler is a flash, and when it senses Steve’s flash, it counters with it’s own, wiping out the picture. You can see it in action in an over-wrought video from Norte that is more likely to send you to an AA meeting than to the store to buy a Fotostop.

Of course, like a Patriot counter-missile battery, the Fotostop is not a perfect defense. I’m sure it doesn’t defend on every angle, for instance. And imagine one of these sitting on every table at Ghost Bar in Vegas. Steve rolls in, sees you with a guy who is not your husband, and shoots a picture. His flash triggers your Fotostop. Your Fotostop triggers the guy at the next table’s Fotostop, which in turn triggers the 15 of them arrayed around the crown prince of Belgium’s table. These set off every other one in the club. In the ensuing blindness, bartenders pour Effen in place of Grey Goose, customers realize what happened and discover there is no difference between vodkas, and the entire liquor industry comes crashing down around us. But at least no images of you and that guy end up on the web, so we’d have that.

Also, if you are out in broad daylight, no flash means no defense.

For the record, what got Governor Crist so much embarrassment and ridicule here was not where he was looking, but the fact that he was wearing loafers on the beach. Dweeb.

(H/T: Instapundit)

Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Bacon Maple Ale. PDX fixtures combine for the win.

I’ve been in a bit of a blogging funk of late, with all sorts of posts piled up in the draft folder and none ready to post. So I thought I’d put up this little palate-cleanser to make folks smile and perhaps be a bit of a slump-buster….

Beer ads have for a long time been sort of the pinnacle in advertising, booze or otherwise, of the Sex Sells meme. Whenever a latter day Don Draper comes up with a ridiculously over the top sexy idea, his agency just puts beers in the participants’ hands and pitches it to Budweiser or Miller. Every once in a while the result is pure, trashy genius. Most of the time, it is pretty much trashy hackery.

Of course, sometimes, Don’s descendants’ imaginations get a little carried away. The following Guinness advertisement is a case in point. Once conceived, it had to be made. But it was never gonna air. I should advise you that this is very likely not safe for work. (But if you are at work, is this or any other cocktail blog all that safe a site to be surfing in the first place?)

Frankly, I’m not sure where to categorize this one. It is definitely trashy, but it is also pretty clever in how it forces speculation on the part of the viewer. The mind is engaged on this. But I’m thinking it wouldn’t move that much Guinness, because while you are perhaps supposed to focus on the bottle and why it doesn’t fall over, that is not what most people are going to be furiously trying to work out in their heads. What do you think?

A tip of the hat to the the good folks at Cracked for this one. Their article has six other ads that similarly were way beyond the pale. I recommend the post, but for the love of God, do not play or even read about Number 5!

Squirrel Farts Duplicates the Great Cross-Country Barcrawl. Only with beer. And only in Vermont.

British Brewer Introduces a Beer Laced With… VIAGRA! Supposedly in honor of the Royal Wedding. I doubt Prince William will be amused by the label’s command, “Arise Prince Willy!”