I’ve been in a bit of a blogging funk of late, with all sorts of posts piled up in the draft folder and none ready to post. So I thought I’d put up this little palate-cleanser to make folks smile and perhaps be a bit of a slump-buster….

Beer ads have for a long time been sort of the pinnacle in advertising, booze or otherwise, of the Sex Sells meme. Whenever a latter day Don Draper comes up with a ridiculously over the top sexy idea, his agency just puts beers in the participants’ hands and pitches it to Budweiser or Miller. Every once in a while the result is pure, trashy genius. Most of the time, it is pretty much trashy hackery.

Of course, sometimes, Don’s descendants’ imaginations get a little carried away. The following Guinness advertisement is a case in point. Once conceived, it had to be made. But it was never gonna air. I should advise you that this is very likely not safe for work. (But if you are at work, is this or any other cocktail blog all that safe a site to be surfing in the first place?)

Frankly, I’m not sure where to categorize this one. It is definitely trashy, but it is also pretty clever in how it forces speculation on the part of the viewer. The mind is engaged on this. But I’m thinking it wouldn’t move that much Guinness, because while you are perhaps supposed to focus on the bottle and why it doesn’t fall over, that is not what most people are going to be furiously trying to work out in their heads. What do you think?

A tip of the hat to the the good folks at Cracked for this one. Their article has six other ads that similarly were way beyond the pale. I recommend the post, but for the love of God, do not play or even read about Number 5!

The magic here isn’t the result of distilling grain or grape, but of distilling the last three years or so of cocktail trends. This little video, produced using Xtranormal, was written by Phillip Duff for a seminar at the Manhattan Cocktail Classic, featuring himself and Angus Winchester.
Oh, in this particular distilling method, all they kept was the most heinous of the heads and tails of the run….

This video is really a piece of genius. Most readers of the Cocktailosphere will need no annotation, but I can’t resist a little highlighting. (You probably ought to watch the vid first, as I try not to give away the jokes with my comments.)

• While in the video the customer is an off-duty bartender, not a blogger, I blush to admit I see a good bit of my own behavior in him. At least in the whole sitting at the end of the bar, watching the bartender work like I’m trying to break down the Zapruder film.
• I haven’t personally had any of the whiskey brand mentioned, you hear it specified all the time during Thursday Drink Night….
• I officially offer a prize to the cocktail historian blogger who unearths the recipe for the Gloogelflocken Swizzle. Offer void if I post it here first….
• I suspect the technique for drink making that they discuss may be the Hard Shake. If it isn’t… it should be.
• The customer is obviously not Rick Stutz, as he doesn’t want enough bitters.
• Love the name checks of Baker and Embury. Oh, and I am utterly guilty as charged.
• Two phrases: “A Kardashian” and “black hole”. The they aren’t connected but appear in the same riff. It’s epic.
• I don’t know how Duff or Winchester make their Old Fashioneds, but mine take less time to make than my Cosmopolitan, so it’s the only punchline to fail, at least for me.
• Since I have studiously avoided any mention of the barrel-aging frenzy gripping Cocktailia, I will simply sit back and feel superior to those who have succumbed and are summarily thrashed herein.

Thanks to That’s the Spirit! for the head’s up on the video.

British Brewer Introduces a Beer Laced With… VIAGRA! Supposedly in honor of the Royal Wedding. I doubt Prince William will be amused by the label’s command, “Arise Prince Willy!”

Text from Mom: The general consensus of people in the room is that I should have another bottle of wine.
Text from Mom: “People in the room” being me.

(From Things Parents TEXT)

The 10 Manliest Alcoholic Drinks of All Time. For certain values of “Manly” approximating “Jackass 3D”…. OK, 10, 5, maybe 6. Otherwise, not a chance.

Gizmodo Asks, “Why Are All These Bloggers So Damn Good Looking?” Um, because we all ARE so good looking, of course!

Hey all!

I’ve been out of town for the holidays, thus the absence of the usual frivolity the last few weeks. To celebrate my return, and in advance of actual, substantive postings….

Ha!

Well, what passes for substantive from me.

Anyway, in advance of what I’ve got coming up, I’ll just give you this photographic evidence of conclusions reached by actual scientific study done this last New Year’s Eve. It seems that tequila modifies perceptions….

(Click to enlarge. This was sent to me by my brother, who must have clipped it from some scientific journal.)

Bacardi has an indirect warning for you. If you don’t know this guy, well, you are this guy.

How about a shot of Jim Dandie’s, or Snotliknaya? Fake liquor labels for film and TV production offer many ideas for pranking your liquorati friends. (Via Dietsch)

A cautionary tale for drunk drivers who want to escape the police. Don’t try it when the police are in the car with you!