Avast, mateys!

Shiver me timbers. It be International Talk Like a Pirate Day again already! And the 10th such sea battle to boot, arrrr! Yer mighty Cap’n, Black Dougal o’ the good ship Pegu’s Pride has just a mite o’ piratical plunder on board here for ye this happy day. And beware if ye follow me Twitter feed, fer today all me usual political bluster, grog swilling, and noodity will be in our lovely pirate speak!

Belay that last! What manner of lubbery is this? There be no noodity in yer timeline… Or arrrrre ye holdin’ out on me?

Heh. A pirate can lie a wee bit to spice up interest, can’t he? Now quit harshing me pitch.
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Ahoy there, me hearties! Since today is by way o’ bein’ September the 19th, the language around this here blog today is wee bit saltier than be usually the case. As in the salt o’ the High Seas… and Adventure!

Yarrr!

September the 19th be International Drink Talk Like a Pirate Day, so be sure to be modifyin’ yer language to sound like a scurvy dog in search of plunder til the Sun be well past the yardarm. It’ll delight yer fellow swabbies who be in the know, and confuse the lubbers… that always makes ‘em easier to plunder, ye know.
If ye be wanting some tips on piratical speech, I be havin’ a prior post on the subject, wi’ videos and some discussion ‘o getting your cocktail on, pirate talk style. And more to the point, I have many posts on how to mix yer refreshments for when ye sun sets in the west. May the sky be red fer ye! X marks the spot fer those treasures here, here, here, and sorta here. Finally, while I be tootin’ me own hornpipe o’ past piratical punditification, here be me own interview wi’ the masters o’ ITLAPD themselves, Cap’n Slappy and Ol’ Chumbucket.

So, what manner o’ new material have I fer this year’s a lootin’ and a pillagin’? Arrr, first off with the non-drinnkin’ booty, I just want to be observin’ that since the inception o’ this wee little celebration o’ almost everything real piratin’ was not, the world has seen a resurgence o’ real piracy upon the high seas. And while ye’ haven’t been by way o’ hearin’ about them as much lately, they’ve been expanding their range and even attacking naval vessels! Me own instincts be tellin’ me that any solution that doesn’t involve taskin’ yardarms and keels will be by way o’ ineffective…. But whatever we do, it be high time to rid the wolrd o’ pirates who look like this:

…so that we can be gettin’ back to pirates who be lookin’ more like this:

Or (perhaps) better, this:

And young Miss Swann is by way o’ sailing us (tangentially) into the harbor o’ my cocktail related material fer this year’s festivitatin’.

Ye see, me hearties, the word is out that Hollywood be plottin’ a remake o’ The Thin Man, with perhaps a bit more material from the original Dashiell Hammett book. This ol’ pirate has his doubts about how well they’ll manage things, as do many others.

Avast! What manner of trickery be this, ye scurvy knave!
What possible connection to high-functioning alcoholics in the 1930′s be piratin’ havin’?
Arrrr!

I’m glad ye’ asked, me hearty. (Nice hat, by the way.) Because all the word on the street be that they intend The Thin Man to star this well-known pirate laddie:

Who?
The elf?

NARRRR, ye bilge rat! Johnny Depp. People always said he played Jack Sparrow like Errol Flynn, but I kind saw Nick Charles in him from the beginning. One simply never knows whether or how drunk he is. And Depp be roguishly charming, that be sure. As an actor, I think he be a great pick fer the part. I just don’t know how he’ll look. Have any of you been seein’ yon swashbuckler ever cleaned up like this?

I’ve written about Grog before, outlining Don the Beachcomber’s contribution to the genre during the last International Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19th. Mark your calendars!). What I alluded to back then, I’ll say flat out now: Grogs and Bumbos were the first Tiki drinks. Maybe that is why so many of us refer to the Tiki Elders, especially Don and Vic, as pirates.
At any rate, here is Trader Vic’s version of Grog. I used a single rum here, rather than following Tiki tradition and blending several, because it was late, I was tired after chopping fresh sugar cane swizzle sticks, and I wanted to give this new bottle of Appleton Estate 12 I bought a workout.

Recipe found in Trader Vic’s Tiki Party!

Avast there, me hearties! Here be me last of three drinks for yer piratin’ party pleasure this International Talk Like a Pirate Day. This one be the most authentic pirate drink of them all, yarrrr!
Back when them blasted party-poopers in the British Navy were sufferin’ their way through the day with nothing but Grog to keep them from a realizin’ how much better we pirates were livin’, we pirates were a livin’ better’n them by drinkin’ Bumbo! Now, pirates ain’t be known much fer their rigorous spellin’ adherence, so ye’ll be findin’ this drink spelled all sorts o’ ways across the Spanish Main Internet, like Bumboo, Bombo, and most likely Bongofongo! Narrrr! Probably not be tellin’ the truth with that last one….

Bumbo was by way of bein’ Grog made all piratically tasty with the addition o’ whatever flavorings had been recently plundered along the way. When yer takin’ whatever ye be wantin’, whenever ye be wantin’ it, there always be plenty o’ flavorin’ to had.
To tell the truth, pirates may have gone overboard at times with how much they added to their Bumbo. Indeed, some bloggers have gone so far as to suggest that pirates were the first consumers of girly drinks! Some bloggers had best shut their hatches, or they’ll be a walkin’ the plank, me hearties! Yarrrrr!

This recipe be touched up just a wee bit to make it easier on me less hearty hearties who only pirate on September 19th! If you want the true base Bumbo, like a bonny crew might be quaffin’ on the high seas while running like little girlies from pursuin’ a British frigate, omit the juice and instead o’ chillin’ the mix, just use an ounce o’ cold water to cut the rumbullion!
For a sea o’ other Drink Like a Pirate Day cocktails, set sail for me main ITLaPD post fer a treasure map! Arrrr!

Ahoy, me bonny crew! This wee libation is bein’ me favorite of me three International Talk Like a Pirate Day drinks, even if it be sufferin’ from a most unfortunate etymological origin.

Avast!
No pirate worth the salt in his beard be usin’ such fancy dan words as etymological. Yarrrr!

Arrrr. Perhaps ye be speakin’ the truth. Let’s be findin’ out fer sure.
Ahoy me hearties! Take Mr. Guy here and let him ask the experts. They be swimmin’ around just below the end o’ that plank!
As I was sayin’, Navy (Arrrgh!) Grog has a most unfortunate name and origin. I spit on those Navy dogs! And the real Grog o’ the British Navy from pirate days was pretty scurvy stuff, bein’ naught but bad rum, with a wee tot o’ worse water to cut the burn. Arrrr!
But back in the 1930s, a man named Don the Beachcomber took the name and mixed up a true bonny cocktail he was by way o’ callin’ Navy Grog. It be worth the drinkin’ me lads and lassies. Yarrr!
Now, Don’ original recipe be as unknown as the location of Blackbeard’s Treasure, me hearties. The original tiki pirate was powerful secretive with his mixing instructions, since his rivals like Trader Vic were always on the lookout fer ways to plunder him! Don was a cunning buccaneer, who were like to be livin’ the ITLaPD lifestyle every day of his piratical life! Arrrrr!

Regardless, through considerable reverse engineerin’, a powerful number o’ corsairs have worked out what was probably in Don’s Navy Grog. Here be me take on this tasty treat, with a nod of thanks to the hoity-toity rum drinker for help wit’ the brands!

For a sea o’ other Drink Like a Pirate Day cocktails, set sail for me main ITLaPD post fer a treasure map! Arrrr!

Ahoy, mateys! This is bein’ the first o’ me International Talk Like a Pirate Day drinks, and the one most o’ ye scurvy dogs will want to be orderin’ should ye shove off to sail the bars o’ Spanish Main this festive holiday evenin’.

But beware, laddies!
If’n ye be drinkin’ too much rumbullion while ye be out wenchin’, yer cutlass’ll be too weak fer the boardin’ party!

Harrrr! That be why I be keepin’ ye around, ye mangy boot-filler puppet. So I can be disavowin’ comments like that last me ownself, arrrr!

This simplest o’ pirate potables is Cap’n and Coke, me hearties. Sure, there be other spiced rums out there, with better, ‘n worse, pedigrees than Captain Morgan, patron saint of ITLaPD that he be. But most dockside taverns ye scurvy lot will stumble into will be barren o’ all but the bonny Cap’n. And that be fine, arrrr!
Regardless, just be takin’ a good measure o’ the Cap’n's original, put it in a flagon, add ice and Coca-Cola. Squeeze in a wedge o’ lime, if’n ye be a fancy dan. Raise it up to yer crew and bellow out the pirate toast: ARRRRR!

Arrrrr!

Arrrrr!

Yarrrrr!

Just drink up, me bucko!
For a sea o’ other Drink Like a Pirate Day cocktails, set sail for me main ITLaPD post fer a treasure map! Arrrr!

UPDATE: Ahoy, ye marauding hordes from Mashable! There be lot o’ non-pirate drinkin’ an’ thinkin’ about these waters, so search fer some other treasure afore ye be leavin’!


Ahoy there, me fine fellow corsairs! It be International Talk Like a Pirate Day, or as we here on the good ship Buccaneer’s Strumpet like to say, International Drink Like a Pirate Day! Yarrrrr!
It be the time o’ year to celebrate the most entertainin’ internet meme of the all, arrrr!
What’s that, me proud beauty?
Yarrrr! Indeed, ITLaPD is the best o’ them all! Yes, even better than pictures of adorable little shark bait kitties with worse language skills than ours! Now get ready to drink up!

This year, on International Talk Like a Pirate Day, yer bonny Pegu Blog has scoured the Seven Seas for appropriate refreshment to drink on this day… and any other where ye be feelin’ piratical! And I, yer genial host Mad Morty Rackham, have rounded up three potent potables to pour down yer parched pirate piehole! A good pirate cocktail is just what this old sea dog needs after a long day o’ keelhaulin’, and plunderin’, and pillagin’.
Now, I’ve been bloggin’ up a storm, a gale, me hearties, over ITLaPD this week. I started with a shot across the bow, then I wrote about supplies ye need to be fillin’ yer hold with for this bonny day, and I also addressed how to be talkin’ like a pirate in the most important port of all, a bar! Arrrr!
But today, lay yer helm hard over, and set yer course fer these three ports o’ call, each ripe for plunderin’!

• Cap’n n’ Coke
• Navy Grog
• Bumbo

But before ye be headin’ off to swill some rhum, me buckos, it be time for a pirate song!

Avast! Now, where be that tavern wench? Ah there she be! Drink up, me buckos!

Although my focus on September 19th this year will be on renaming it International Drink Like a Pirate Day, for most folks it will be about the talking thing. And even for us pirate drinkers, it is important to get the voice down just so. So my post today is intended to get you all ready to, well, talk like a pirate.
I want to start with the basics of pirate talk, The Five A’s. This first video is from the leaders of the ITLaPD movement, Cap’n Slappy and Ol’ Chumbucket, the Pirate Guys.

These five words, Ahoy!, Avast!, Aye!, Aye-aye!, and Arrrr!, must include the exclamation point when written, in case you were wondering.
For a more advanced and modern method of learning pirate, the good folks at Rosetta Stone are working on a new product, but I’m afraid it may not yet be available commercially. Perhaps the Navy has bought all available copies for use in the Indian Ocean. At any rate, take a good look:

TalkLikeaPirate.com has much more advanced information for your piratin’ usage, including Pirate Pickup Lines (“Have ye ever met a man with a real yardarm?”), German, Swedish, and Mandarin pirate talk, and even a link to Internet Pirate Chat Acronyms (WWLJSPD-What would Long John Silver’s parrot do?).
In the interests of trying to add something original to the ITLaPD phenomenon, I here offer several lists of suggested pirate talk while pirate drinking.
For pirates in bars:

• “Ahoy, Barkeep! Ye be splashing me a flagon full o’ Cap’n Morgan’s best, and be smart about it!”
• Arrrr, it be Harry the Hook! (Ed note—Harry the Hook’s real name is probably Dwight or Skip) Lay along side, and let yer old friend buy ye a beer.
• Ahoy, me beauty! How can I find a map to your treasure?
• Avast, Bartender! How many doubloons be I owin’ ye?
  Arrrrr?!?
  Who’s been plunderin’ me tab?

For pirate lassies in bars:

• Avast Molly the Red and Bad Betty, me hearties! I be lovin’ this chanty the DJ be playin’! Let’s all go and dance the hornpipe together!
• Avast, ye lubber! Steer to the lee, afore I plug yer bunghole with me boot!
• Arrrr, me fellow pirate lasses. That bell be tellin’ me ’tis time to set sail together for the head!
• Avast, me likely Barman! I’ll be havin’ another Cosmogrogitan.
  Arrrr?
  Arrrr, just be puttin it on yon sailor’s tab. He be buyin’ me grog this night!

And finally, for the tavern keeper, or his serving wenches:

• Ahoy, Cap’n. What manner of grog be ye wantin’ to wash the taste o’ the sea from yer bilge?
• Arrrr! ‘Tis a sad, sad sea tale ye just told, me pirate friend. What canna ye be wantin’ to drown yer sorrows?
• Aye aye, Horrible Harry, Terror of the Lake Erie Main. One Appletini comin’ yer way smartly!
• Avast, ye scurvy land lubber! Where be me doubloons for all yer pirate lagers? Ware, lest I take me belaying pin to yer noggin!

There’s much more video assistance with general pirate talk, but in the interests of not slowing down my main page load, I’ll jam it under the fold. Otherwise, be sure to be steerin’ yer way back to these waters on September 19th its own self. There’ll be lots of recipes to whet yer pirate whistle!
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Just a reminder, International Drink Like a Pirate Day is this Saturday, September 19th. Be ready.
And by being ready, I mean: Ensure you have lots of different rums on hand, since what is pirate drinkin’, wenchin’, and talkin’ without plenty of the old rumbullion, rumbustion, rhum, or even ron, as the pirates’ chief prey would have it?
But what kind of rum? As of this writing, I intend to do three pirate drinks on International (Drink) Like a Pirate Day, with distinctly different characters. First off, we’ll need basic mixing rums, one light, one dark, and one nicely aged. Any good Basement Bar owner should really have these supplies in stock full time, not just on September 19th. My favorite day-to-day rum maker is Mount Gay. At only a buck or two more than the bat beverage, it offers, at least to me, a noticeable improvement. (Liquor Fairy disclaimer on Mount Gay, FWIW) For those scurvy dogs, the British Navy, and their fancy dan ways, lay in a bottle of good navy rum like Pusser’s.
But the main focus for this post is the brand which should just own International Talk Like a Pirate Day. If any brand, in any industry, should be talked of in the same breath with any silly internet-meme high holy day, it’s this one.

That’s right, Captain Morgan should be all over ITLaPD like Mad Morty Rackham on a tavern wench after six months at sea. The fact that a Google search indicates that they are not so inclined will entirely fail to dissuade me from talking about them anyway.
Now The Captain doesn’t get a lot of respect from hoity-toity rum-o-philes, and that’s pretty reasonable. Captain Morgan’s is a mass-market product that offers little in the way of complexity or depth. But even said hoity-toity rum-o-philes admit that they once upon a time drank a lot of it, and enjoyed themselves along the way. I’d bet the good ship Buccaneer’s Strumpet that any genuine pirate, modern or of yore, would vastly prefer the sweet and gently spicy taste o’ the Cap’n to most premium rums today. Fact is, Captain Morgan’s is designed for the mass-market, to provide some tasty, bawdy fun, and little else. All of which makes it perfect for ITLaPD. Sure, the success of the brand is certainly due as much to marketing as it is to product….

As much?
Try almost entirely!

I thought you’d see I was talking about you. Still, the product has been plenty successful, even spawning such Talk Like a Pirate Day essentials as this:

I encourage you to pick up one of these for the First Mate right now.
Wait. Better up your life insurance first….

While the historical Captain Morgan was pretty cool on his own, his modern incarnation is practically the Mickey Mouse of hooch. A few months ago, I saw a dude in complete, letter-perfect Captain Morgan get-up wandering the aisles of a local liquor store. I don’t know why, since whatever he was after, he wasn’t buying rum!
And yes, just like Coca-Cola, much of Captain Morgan’s success over even similar brands can be laid to marketing. They push their brand at parties and sponsored events constantly. And they do this all over the United States, not just in New York and Los Angeles. Studies Sales have shown that consumers respond to marketing efforts like hot chicks (almost) wearing brand-labeled clothing while serving said brand in brand-labeled plastic cups. As Mad Morty Rackham would put it, Avast! A fine flagon of the ol’ Cap’n tastes even finer if’n it be served up by a fine, proud beauty with a well-fashioned bowsprit. Arrrrrr!
The Captain Morgan folks also have a very cute little gimmick on their website right now, called Calling All Captains. While I (and I suppose Captain Morgan for that matter) encourage you to exercise restraint and wisdom when drinking, especially when drinking outside the home, the facts remain that occasionally drinkers find on the Morning After that they have misplaced several hours from the Night Before. The saintly friend who stayed sober and drove everyone home will fill in those hours for the hapless amnesiac.
That’s if your friend is saintly. Pirates don’t have saintly friends. Pirates have friends who go to Calling All Captains.
Since you are not a saintly friend either, go check it out. Fill in a short form about your friend’s adventure the night before, including such info as your name, his name, the kind of place you were drinking the night before, etc. Then choose whether you want your inebriate friend to receive a voice mail on his cell from the bartender who is a trifle miffed about getting stiffed on the tab, or from some random chick who thinks he’s single and wants to hook up, or even from the very large sounding boyfriend of the chick who supposedly did hook up with your buddy!
This may not be the best pirate prank ever, but it does have the virtue of leaving fewer actual bruises than a good keel hauling. Now get out there and practice your vocabulary for this Saturday!

UPDATE:
My good friend and fellow cocktail blogger, Dr. Bamboo, the World’s Foremost Cocktail Illustrator™ (creator of the Liquor Fairy) put up a post on spiced rums at the same time as this post originally ran. Aside from the totally awesome illustration shown at right (go to Doc’s post to see it full sized), he develops a wonderful method of evaluating spiced rums that includes the following data points:

• Pirate stuff on the label?
• Overall packaging coolness.
• (This is the coup de grace)Flamboyant Badass Quotient — Is the product something that can be envisioned being drunk by a Flamboyant Badass (i.e. a pirate)

In fact, the only two items I can find wrong with this post are that it does not mention International Talk Like a Pirate Day, and that it avoids actually reviewing Captain Morgan itself, or its two closest knockoffs, Admiral Nelson’s and Sailor Jerry. Consider this rebuke fair warning, Doc! You still have two days until ITLaPD to do part two!

It is coming…. (Actually, it’s already September 19th somewhere! Check the bottom of this post for the rest of the ITLaPD posts!)

Saturday, September 19th, 2009 is once again International Talk Like a Pirate Day. I’ll be posting something special, pirate drink-wise, and generally annoying my wife and tennis partners by talking like a pirate.
You need to do this too.
To help you get ready, I have a few links for you to follow now.
First up, via Dave Barry, is the pick of the litter of pirate name generators, What’s My Pirate Name? My pirate name for 2009 is Mad Morty Rackham!
Avast, ye lubbers! Fear Mad Morty’s thirsty cutla….

Hey! Chill out.
It’s not the 19th yet.

Oops, sorry.
Anyway, there’s also a new, but pretty cross bare-bones, name generator for your pirate ship, too! Mad Morty Rackham swabs the decks aboard the Buccaneer’s Strumpet.
See you September 19th!

Please just bear with him.
He’ll be babbling about this all week.
Here’s the mian post that leads to all the International Talk Like a Pirate Day Cocktails.
Here’s his discussion of Pirate Rum.
And here’s his list of instructions for talking like a pirate in bars.
This link is to the International Talk Like a Pirate Day Rum and Coke.
This link is to the International Talk Like a Pirate Day Navy Grog.
This link is to the International Talk Like a Pirate Day Bumbo.