Category: politics
Drinking Games
Political Controversies
Rule 4

Mid-Term Election Night Drinking Game

blitzer-election-night It is Election Day once again in America. Actually, for well or weal, it is the end of Election Month in America, but this is the day that average folks pay the most attention. A whopping 25% of American citizens will have voted by the close of the polls today, which puts this up there in the Monica and Chandler's wedding territory as far a capturing the nation's zeitgeist.... So, as is our national tradition when we are all watching the same event, and listening to a diverse group of people all saying the same predictable things about it, we need a drinking game to take away the pain. This list is hardly exhaustive. Also, given my own political leanings, it may be a bit harder on the Blue Team talking heads. Therefore, I'd like your help. If there is an obvious drinking opportunity I've missed, please let me know in the comments or mention it to me on Twitter at @DAWinship. I'm also looking for suggestions for presidential tropes for the big game in two years. {I'll update as long as I get good suggestions. Additions from other folks are in italics.} These lists get long, so I'd suggest you and your crew select your favorites from it and follow only them... unless you are Debbie Wasserman Schultz, who may need all of them to get through this night.
  • Every time a race is called for an incumbent, take a sip.
  • Every time an incumbent is defeated, drink once.
  • Every time a pundit on your side says something you think is patently untrue, drink once.
  • Every time a pundit not on your side says something you think is patently untrue, do nothing. (Or you will wake up in the hospital with a pumped stomach.)
  • Every time someone says something about the Kochs, drink once.
  • Every time someone says something about Tom Steyer, drink three times.
  • Every time a pundit mentions the fact that Kansas voters hate both of their major candidates for Senate, drink once.
  • Every time the phrase "Tight as a tick" is used, drink twice. If you are merely drinking beer instead of something stronger, drink once for all other Ratherisms.
  • Should LA or GA go to a run-off for Senate, drink three times.
  • If something weird happens with the FL gubernatorial election, drink three times.
  • If any of the "wave indicator" elections goes the GOP's way, have an extra shot. (MA, MD, CT governor. NH, VA, KS senate.)
  • Every time a partisan pundit has to choke back a sob, drink once.
  • Every time a supposedly non-partisan anchor has to choke back a sob, drink twice.
  • When a pundit excuses a loss for his team based on "Dark" or "outside" money, drink once.
  • Every time a righty pundit darkly alludes to the "margin of fraud", drink twice.
  • Every time a lefty pundit complains of voter suppression, take a sip.
  • If a righty pundit uses the phrase "the deep state", drink three times.
  • Any time a pundit uses race to excuse a loss, drink once.
  • Any time a Democrat pundit blames the President for a loss, take a sip.
  • Every time a pundit outright blames a loss on voter stupidity, drink twice.
  • Any time a righty brings up, Benghazi, Fast & Furious, or Lois Lerner and the IRS, take a sip.(Just Me)
  • Keep a separate glass beside you. Every time there is cross-talk, add a splash to the glass. Any time some cross-talk continues obliviously right into the commercial break, chug the glass.
  • If anyone says something apocalyptic like "this is the End of Democracy", take a drink. (@KevinInABQ)
  • At any poll closing, if they project the winner before a single vote is counted, take a drink.
  • If anyone projects a winner in a state before all its polls are closed (e.g. FL and TX), do two shots.
  • Every time someone trots out the idea that a GOP takeover of the Senate would be a bad thing for Republicans, take a shot.
At popular request, I've added a network-specific section, to add spice to your selection of who to watch. FoxNews
  • Any time Karl Rove deploys his little white board, take a sip. (@JackMColdcuts)
  • When Frank Luntz speaks, do half a shot, spin five times, and finish your shot. (Matt Hamlin)
  • When right-wing pundits get into an argument of immigration, do a shot.
  • The first state that goes Democrat after Rove promised it would go Republican, take a drink. If Rove then pleads that the network retract its projection, finish the glass.
MSNBC, and its subsidiary, NBC News
  • Every time a pundit or anchor reveals a genuine incredulity that anyone votes Republican, take a sip.
  • Should anyone on their air or in their crawl declare the intent to "leave the country", drink twice.(@KevinInABQ)
  • If Maddow at any point just throws up her hands and says, "Screw it! Lets just talk cocktail recipes", then go ahead and drink with her.
  • Any time Gee Whiz techno-wizardy such as pinch to zoom touchscreens, 3D popups, etc. is used, take a sip. If they brag about its earth-shatteringly advanced awesomeness, take two drinks.
  • If the hologram comes out, take three drinks the first time, and a shot thereafter. (Matt Hamlin)
  • If they report on a an issue you've heard about for days, weeks, or months as if it were totally new to the public eye, take a drink.
Add the following list should the Republicans manage to get to 51 senate seats (and you are still sober enough to read):
  • When the GOP gain control of the Senate, drink five times. (Champagne for Republicans, brown liquor for Democrats)
  • Every time a left-leaning pundit or non-partisan anchor uses the phrase, "this is not a wave", drink once.
  • Every time a right-leaning pundit openly mocks whomever is sitting across from him, drink once.
  • Every time a lefty pundit denies that the Republicans have a "mandate" from this election, take a sip.
  • Should an anchor casually dismiss the idea that Republicans have a mandate from the election, drink once.
  • Should a righty pundit make grandiose claims about a huge mandate, drink once.
If the Senate ends up 50/50, putting Joe Biden in charge... Drink heavily until you run out of all the alcohol you own. That's all I have right now. I know there is lots more, for the wonk and the casual observer alike. Again, help me out in the comments or on Twitter. Please be sure to play this game only where you intend to sleep for the night, or where you have a friend who will be playing Dungeons & Dragons in the next room and staying the hell away from this game. Finally, if you do want to geek out on the politics tonight, may I suggest you keep the Ace of Spades HQ Decision Desk open in one of your browser windows? It is run by conservatives and libertarians for the most part but they are ruthlessly committed to accurate election results, not cheerleading, and their massive nationwide volunteer apparatus is usually ahead of the AP in collecting vote results. Keep an eye on them and you may know what the people on your TV will be talking excitedly about twenty minutes later. Welcome Sidebar-reading Morons! This is where I spend my writing time, instead of in the comments at the HQ. I hope you wander around the rest of the site!abc

How Your Politics Affects Your Drinking… It’s Science!

The political blogosphere has been abuzz for a few days about a new study from a firm called National Media Research Planning and Placement LLC, which details American consumer preferences for various liquor and wine brands as a function of party preference and predilection to actually vote. Here's the graph, click to pop up as large a version as I could find.
Booze preference by party and liklihood of voting Graphic courtesy Jennifer Dube, National Media Research Planning and Placement LLC, via CNN, because the Washington Post thinks their analysis is so damned valuable that you don't need the original data in readable form.
As I said, this chart has been analyzed to death all over the political blogs. And by analyzed to death, I mean repeated from the original press release. The CNN article is the best, in that it seems to hit all the points cherry picked by other outlets. A few of these highlights to tempt the political junkie to read the CNN article include:
  • The most likely voters drink wine. The only liquor brand in the survey to crack the top 15 in terms of likelihood to vote, regardless of party affiliation, is the venerable Tanqueray.
  • People who drink liquor or wine are in general more likely to vote, period.
  • Among those who drink liquor, Democrats tend to prefer white liquor, while brown liquor drinkers tend to be Republicans.
  • Democrats drink more wine and liquor than Republicans by a factor of 2:1.
  • Political figures most often cited are Nancy Pelosi, who sure enough drinks wine (and owns two wineries), and John Boehner, who true to form drinks bourbon. (Of course, he's from Cincinnati. Everyone else in Ohio considers Cincinnati an honorary part of Kentucky anyway.)
  • Democrats are the ones who mostly drink champagne. Frenchies.
  • Rum is bi-partisan.
It's all terribly interesting, it is also all written from the perspective of politics. I think what's needed is to look at these booze bubbles from a cocktailian perspective, and see how we can make fun of everyone involved. First, Two Buck Chuck? It's all on you, Democrats. Conversely, Republicans must live with the shame of being Franzia drinkers. On the liquor side, Republicans must answer for being 40% more likely to drink, um, Seagrams VO. But they win anyway, because anyone who touched Seagram's gin is almost 95% likely to be a Democrat. Tequila drinkers are among the least likely to vote, regardless of party, which is unsurprising since voting takes place on Tuesday for the most part, and that is way too close to last Saturday for tequila drinkers to have sobered up enough to get to the polling place. It is interesting to note the brands where parties go against the general white liquor-Democrat/brown liquor-Republican divide. The only gin on the Republican ledger is the iconic but unaggressive Beefeater. The big whiskey among Democrats is the iconic but unaggressive Jameson. The only two vodka brands I see on the Republican side are Ketel One and Skyy, both are fairly unpretentious brands offering good value for their mid-range price. (Grey Goose flavored vodkas are almost entirely on the Democratic ledger.) There are two Martini & Rossi bubbles, both on the Republican side. I'm assuming that at least one of these is vermouth, and likely both. I am happy to infer from this that while most gin is drunk by Democrats, most Martinis (well-made ones at least) are consumed by good, solid Republican stock. This goes double for Manhattans.
To be fair to the Democrats: Jågermeister.
True. And Peppermint Schnapps. And Franzia.
You already said Franzia.
It bears repeating. On a more serious note, the size of some of these bubbles surprised me. It reminded me that the cocktailian world is still quite divorced from mainstream American drinking, no matter how much closer it has gotten. I'm sure the commercial distillers and distributors deal with this reality every day, but when your drinking life revolves around White Ladies, Whiskey Sours, and Jet Pilots, the fact that Jose Cuervo is the Jupiter of the high-alcohol solar system comes as a shock. I'm not surprised to see Jack Daniels be the big dog on the Republican side, but I was shocked at how much bigger it is than Jim Beam. And man, do people really drink that much Irish Creme in general, and Bailey's in particular? Two last takeaways. First, you can tell that NMRPP is a Republican firm in that they highlight as the most committedly Democrat product on the chart a brand called "Smoking Loon". Second. Tanqueray is (again) the only liquor among the top 15 brands by political involvement. If the cable networks know what is good for them, expect to see this on Fox or MSNBC any day now...
Angus Winchester Brings theTalking Head to a New Level
Angus Winchester should raise the level of discourse in the entire cable industry. Or at least get them drunk enough to stop being so evil.
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