Blogging Rule 5, the (in)judicious use of sexy images to draw attention is considered by most to be a staple of booze advertising as well. “Sex Sells” after all, right?

This new ad from Sauza Blue Tequila, a Rule 5 treat for the female readers, illustrates perfectly an important corollary of Rule 5 for advertisers, and because it does, it is well worth watching for the guys, too.

See? Now that is funny folks. And that is what an overtly sexually-tinged booze ad has to be.

I think there are a couple of reasons for this phenomenon. First and foremost, both men and women buy hooch, and if you just do a straight appeal to below-the-gut, you will usually end up appealing to only one sex or the other. Worse, you may well end up turning off the gender not targeted. Make those folks at least laugh, and everyone feels OK.

Second, humor engages the brain, which I imagine is important to an advertiser. Effective sexual imagery kinda shuts it down, no?

Well,
the big brain at least!

If the mind is too focused on “desire”, there is little room for assessing the product on offer, which is why a lot of very sexy ads ultimately fail. Humor breaks up the focus, letting the mind wander over and ponder the ad, if only briefly. But that broadening is likely what your mind needs to remember that there is even a tequila bottle in this ad to begin with.

Plus, kittens!

Midcentury exotica didn’t just cater to suburban fantasies of work-free islands and guilt-free sex. There was also the call of adventure, epitomized by these classic “dangerous” drinks: if the sharks didn’t eat you, the cannibals would.
—Beachbum Berry Beachbum Berry Remixed, Pg. 86

I told you that quote would be back.

When I previously used that to introduce the Sidewinder’s Fang, Tiki Month participant DJ Hawaiianshirt replied in the comments, “I didn’t know the tiki/exotica fantasy involved guilt-free sex; that’s news to me.” That gives me a perfect opportunity to do this post, which I will tuck beneath the fold on the main page, because, well…. Rule 5, and lots of it. And one little NSFW example.
(more…)

I’ve been in a bit of a blogging funk of late, with all sorts of posts piled up in the draft folder and none ready to post. So I thought I’d put up this little palate-cleanser to make folks smile and perhaps be a bit of a slump-buster….

Beer ads have for a long time been sort of the pinnacle in advertising, booze or otherwise, of the Sex Sells meme. Whenever a latter day Don Draper comes up with a ridiculously over the top sexy idea, his agency just puts beers in the participants’ hands and pitches it to Budweiser or Miller. Every once in a while the result is pure, trashy genius. Most of the time, it is pretty much trashy hackery.

Of course, sometimes, Don’s descendants’ imaginations get a little carried away. The following Guinness advertisement is a case in point. Once conceived, it had to be made. But it was never gonna air. I should advise you that this is very likely not safe for work. (But if you are at work, is this or any other cocktail blog all that safe a site to be surfing in the first place?)

Frankly, I’m not sure where to categorize this one. It is definitely trashy, but it is also pretty clever in how it forces speculation on the part of the viewer. The mind is engaged on this. But I’m thinking it wouldn’t move that much Guinness, because while you are perhaps supposed to focus on the bottle and why it doesn’t fall over, that is not what most people are going to be furiously trying to work out in their heads. What do you think?

A tip of the hat to the the good folks at Cracked for this one. Their article has six other ads that similarly were way beyond the pale. I recommend the post, but for the love of God, do not play or even read about Number 5!

Vote for Matt Robold (Rumdood) to be Tommy Bahama’s first Rumologist™. Once a day will make you feel great.
{Pictured above: NOT Matt Robold}

I am a reasonable man. Perhaps a little OCD, but I try to hide it when out in the real world.

Which is why I am torn.

You see, I recently stopped in for some food and drinks at a new pub nearby in Columbus called the Tilted Kilt. I was bit bemused upon entry to find it was not what I was expecting. Not upset, but bemused. It was after we ordered that I had to decide whether to become upset. And it took some deciding.
You see, like any normal, foolish, middle-aged man, I have a very hard time becoming upset with a young bartender when she is wearing a short plaid skirt, knee socks, and a top that can’t decide if it wants to expose more midriff or cleavage….

Not our bartender, but a good representation.
(source)

You see, everybody at Tilted Kilt wears this outfit. (Well, the guys wear kilts too, but thankfully not these kilts.)
I happen to think that this is a brilliant marketing scheme…

Oh yeah?
I’ll bet you do!

Um, yeah. The fifty TVs in the place could all suddenly go to SEARCHING FOR SATELLITE SIGNAL and most of the clientele wouldn’t leave. And as I said, it must really cut down on customer complaints.

But.

In addition to being a foolish, middle-aged man, I am also a Certified Cocktail Curmudgeon™. It looms large in my legend. And here is what set off my “moral” dilemma:
I sensed pretty quickly that this was not a place to try to spread the Pegu Gospel on a Friday night. So I elected instead for some basic single-malt and ordered, “a Glenlivet, neat, please.”
I was duly informed that the bartender did not know what “neat” meant!
This should have sent my warning alert to DefCon2, but…

“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for, Mr. Customer.”
(source)

“Wha?” I stammered. “Er, neat…. You know,” I continued, then made the mistake of using the most meaningless and ambiguous phrase in all drinkdom, “straight up.”
What was presented to me was a cocktail glass, filled to the brim with Glenlivet, shaken within an inch of its life, with a floe of ice shards coating the surface!

The Scot in me wanted to rise up, paint my face blue, and shout, “Ye can take our land. Ye can e’en take our freedom! But this is no way to treat a wee, puir, dram o’ whisky!”
But.

The PeguWife sat there, trying not to laugh out loud as I tried to process the “drink” before me. She doesn’t often get to see me struck dumb like that, and I’m pretty sure she enjoyed the phenomenon more than a loyal and supportive wife ought to have.
But the food was good, I drank the “drink” (and, I’m embarrassed to say, enjoyed it), and we left before I could fully work my way out of the decision loop.
So I just came home and wrote this post—as therapy. And to warn you, dear cocktail-loving reader, that when you visit the Tilted Kilt near you, be ready with a pre-made decision on how you will react if this happens the next time.

Above the Post Update: I’m in the finals! You can vote for me here, or you can just Tweet the following: I want @dawinship’s #9 to win the @AskMen_com & @Liquordotcom #CocktailWar

AskMen, the “men’s lifestyle” portal, is running a contest right now, in conjunction with Liquor.com that’s worth a mention.

Hey, Doug!
What’s a “men’s lifestyle portal”?

It’s an online magazine where they have pictures of almost famous pretty women and talk about cars, pretty women, health issues, the health issues of meeting pretty women, clothes, clothes almost on pretty women, cocktails, and pretty women drinking cocktails. They also do lots of product reviews and promotions.

Oh, I see.
In other words, your dream job.

Exactly. And will you two butt out? This was supposed to to be a quick hit post… a glorified SideBlog.

Nothing is brief when we get involved, Doug!

Nothing is brief when YOU get involved, Doug!

Shut up.

Anyway, I find the contest interesting in that it is one of those hybrid contest/buzz creator thingies that use Twitter. The basic idea is for you to tweet your favorite cocktail recipe, and they will choose the top ten. (Here’s my tweet. Betcha can’t guess what drink I suggested!) Then the buzz thing goes on as they watch Twitter and the comments to see who gets the most buzz. The winner will receive the handsome $150 basket of mixological goodies you see above. The process is a bit more involved than that (of course) and you can read how to enter here.

I’ll conclude, with a nod to Rule 5, by noting a lovely convergence of the AskMen subject matter upon the Pegu world. I’m sure your eye will be drawn, as is mine, to the lovely bottles of Cointreau, that essential ingredient in the world’s best cocktail. While the cocktail Miss Dita Von Teese is holding seems a bit red for a Pegu, I’m sure that’s just a color-balance issue….

On the Ninth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Nine Buddies Boozing,
Eight Barmaids Serving,
Seven Blues a Blazing,
Six Glasses Gleaming,
Five… Golden… Rums!
Four Cocktail Books,
Three French 75s,
Two Jars of Olives,
And a Shaker Full of Martinis!

Attention! After yesterday’s Rule 5 Barmaid Cleavage-stravaganza, I have forced Doug to include equal time for the ladies. See below for your Ninth Day, drinking-themed beefcake!

[UPDATE: Welcome to those dispatched here by Smitty! The ladies got their piece of the action on the Ninth Day....]

On the Eighth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Eight Barmaids Serving,
Seven Blues a Blazing,
Six Glasses Gleaming,
Five… Golden… Rums!
Four Cocktail Books,
Three French 75s,
Two Jars of Olives,
And a Shaker Full of Martinis!

Hey Folks!
Un-Merry Christmas!
In important, Rule 5, barmaid-related news, check out this article from the EU and England. It chillingly illustrates (with cleavage) the truth of Jean-Francois Revel’s observation that “Fascism is forever descending on America, yet always landing on Europe.”

You probably get as many emails as I do about Black Friday sales. But this year brings the first I’ve seen for a bar products company.
BarSupplies.com is running a series of specials for your home bar, or for the real bartender in your home. They have lots of gift packs, including ones for guys who are into drinks, girls who are into drinks, and for either sex who is into wine.
They also are touting a lot of specialized bar equipment, some of which I had not seen before. Much of it is “for the trade”, but there is a lot that could interest the obsessed amateur like myself as well.
And as a centerpiece for all their specials, BarSupplies has put together this YouTube video, with your host “Lindsay” (whose name is in quotes for some reason), in which she demonstrates the products on special and allows you to benefit from her vast… experience.

I actually did learn of some things I’d like. For those of you on the building a basement bar odyssey, the video and the site are worth a look. They have good entries in the basic glassware category, as well as fun stuff to augment your decorating choices.
In conclusion, while Barsupplies may not be a blog, I will say that they understand Rule 5 quite well.

The day after I ran a post on cream liqueurs, the Liquor Fairy rolled up here at the Pegu Lounge and presented me with a golden bag containing marketing materials and a bottle of Bärenjäger Honey Liqueur. Is the Fall “Liqueur Season”?
You see Bärenjäger all over the place, but I had never tried it myself. I’ve spent the last few days trying it in different ways, so let me give you the run down.
In medieval times, bears were considered mighty good, if mighty dangerous, eating. Hunting them was something of a specialty, and these specialists were called Bärenjägers. In order to help them find the bears, they would employ a distilled mead concoction as bait. What the Bärenjägers did in order to not be eaten, I’m not sure. Perhaps they just let the bear drink its fill before they approached it.
Still, hunting bears was a pretty stressful occupation. Eventually, some of the hunters, probably after one too many close calls, decided that a sip or three of his own bait might calm his nerves…. By the 1400′s, Bärenjäger was being produced commercially for human consumption. And apparently still as bear bait as well, since it was first produced by a bear hunting outfitter. I think the modern equivalent would be if Orvis sold appetizers also suitable as fish bait. (For a possibly more accurate version of this tale, visit Bärenjäger’s history page.) In the mean time, here is photographic proof of Bärenjäger’s appeal to bears:

Hello there!
I’ll have what he’s having!

You are such a pig….

I’ll tack on a note about Bärenjäger’s website here. I usually disdain flash sites, and not just because I’m an iPhone addict. But Bärenjäger’s flash site is actually kinda cool and creative. I do suspect it would be hard to use after several rounds of the product, however. You have to chase down these bees which fly around the bottle with your mouse in order to make selections….
I just wrote about how cool it was to encounter liqueurs that I liked straight, in the old-school manner, and Bärenjäger is about as old-school as it gets, so I first tried straight Bärenjäger on the rocks.
Um, no.
It tastes good, mind you. But it has too simple, and a bit too sweet, a taste by itself to sustain my interest for long. With the cold and flu season coming on, I’ll keep it in mind for when I’m inevitably caught without cough suppressant. I believe a good solid slug of Bärenjäger at bedtime will soothe your throat and otherwise help you get some sleep.

Doug is not a doctor, so don’t trust his medical advice farther than you can throw the Internet.

To be sure. But I betcha it works at least as well, if not better, than the one-to-one mix of Jack Daniels and Honey I usually employ!
Anyway, it was clear that I needed to delve into the available recipes to see how to best enjoy this liqueur. My favorite of the traditional Bärenjäger cocktails is the Bee Hive. Incidentally, I also asked Bärenjäger’s brand rep, Kate, what was her favorite, and she prefers this one as well.

Now we start to see what you can do with this stuff. The Bee Hive is not too sweet, not does it seem overly strong. (It is strong, but it doesn’t seem that way, so be careful.) The most interesting thing that the drink reveals is that Bärenjäger does not provide a real strong honey taste to a drink, but it absolutely fills your nose with the aroma of honey. I also think that if you were to shake this with cracked ice, it would make a very good shooter.
In an effort to surf the new cocktailian wave, Bärenjäger just held a competition in New York to invent new cocktails employing the bear hunter to modern mixological effect. You can see all the entries here, or you can see the results here. I didn’t have the necessary ingredients for either winner, so I instead whipped up one of the finalists that caught my eye, the Limburg, by Neil Grosscup.

I took the liberty of slightly modifying Neil’s recipe to make the measurements consistent, by the way.
This is a delicious cocktail. You end up with that same honey aroma, but the flavor is neither honey nor genever. You can sense both, but neither is your first impression. It’s a delicious, sweet, floral, and elegantly balanced cocktail, and if you have any of the Bols on hand when you get some Bärenjäger, I heartily recommend it.
I also ventured beyond Bärenjäger’s offerings. After my first tastes of the straight stuff, it also occurred to me that this would make an excellent substitute for honey syrup. I like honey syrup, but I’m lazy about making it, and I only have so much space to store all my home-made stuff. Also, Bärenjäger has a much better shelf-life than honey syrup, I suspect. Regardless, I can truly say that this medieval European bear bait makes a handy addition to your faux-Polynesian Tiki arsenal. It’s as logical and delicious as anything else Tiki…. Try the Cuba Kula, made with Bärenjäger, on for size.

Finally, I’d like to say a word about the bottle. I’ve mentioned before that I’m a sucker for bottles with funny hats. This bottle has a little plastic beehive on top that is very cute. Be careful when you first open the bottle, however, as the metal cap underneath the hive can strip out before it breaks its seal, as mine did. But once you get it open, the funny cap and the wicker wrap on the bottle give a very distinctive, old world appearance.
All in all, Bärenjäger is nice and handy stuff.

UPDATE—Oh. Apparently someone got the bright idea to issue Bärenjäger to jihadis….

The Liquor Fairy Was Here!
The following product, Bärenläger Honey Liqueur, was recently provided to me as promotional consideration to encourage me to discuss it.
For a complete disclosure of my policies regarding promotional items and all other financial interests, please click this link, or follow the Liquor Fairy link in the header of this page.