Pegus are, obviously, not mainstream cocktails, now are they? So, how do you know if Pegus “are right for you”? (To quote every pharmaceutical ad running today)
I’m not talking about whether you like them or not, of course. The correct way to determine that is to mix one up, in the privacy of your own home, and drink it. In fact, I suggest you do that now. I’ll wait.
it’s ten-thirty in the morning!
If you won’t drink in the morning, why are you reading about cocktails in the morning?
Ok, we’ll stipulate this: That you will try it this evening, and that you will like the taste. That’s not the point of this post. This is more about whether you are the kind of person who would order a Pegu in public, in front of friends or strangers. I think that what goes into this decision depends on your chromosomal configuration. Let’s start with guys.
Start drinking a Pegu in front of guy friends for the first time, and you’ll inevitably hear,
Nice pink drink you got there, Sally!
Now, assuming that your standard response does not consist of the simple expedient of a punch in the nose for Andrew Dice Clay here, you are left with two basic responses. You can argue that your cocktail is not pink. This often fails to work, since Pegus, while not actually pink, are awfully damn pinkish. Or you can laugh, suggesting contemptuously that you, unlike some people in the room, are quite secure in your masculinity.
If you can’t carry off either of these, drink your Pegus at home. Don’t worry, they’ll still taste just as good.
I still say pink drinks are for chicks!
Are you still here?
Yup! Got something to say about it?
Good. At least someone is reading this thing. And you have a good point, “pink drinks are for chicks.”
But, as I said, Pegus aren’t pink. And Pegus are not for Chicks.
Pegus are for Broads.
So now I have a female reader, too. What happened to the no pink drinks guy?
I sent him to do the dishes. I’ll handle this.
Now, I thought you wanted to promote Pegus. Why would you turn a whole bunch of women off to them by saying that drinking them makes her aBroad?
I do, and I wouldn’t, even though I do. Got that? I do want you to drink Pegus, I don’t want to turn you off, but I do think most women who drink Pegus are Broads. To call a woman a Broad is a great compliment, in my eyes.
Oh really? Says who? Wikipedia? The worst the site can say about Broad is that it may be considered derogatory, and it may imply promiscuity. This tells us nothing. Most of Ohio thinks the term
Michigander is derogatory. Most FARKers think
Duke is derogatory (or they pretend to if they want their submissions greenlit.) And Broad does not imply promiscuity. Are some Broads promiscuous? Sure. (Not that there is anything wrong with that!) Do some guys use Broad to mean a promiscuous female? Of course, but most of these paleothugs use every word for woman to imply promiscuity.
So if Broad isn’t meant to demean, why use it?
Because it is a great word, with a rich and useful meaning, and for which there is no easy synonym. Throwing out great words because some professional grievance merchant needs something to complain about this week is a crime against the language. The best way to tell if men are using a word in a pejorative sense or not is to examine the modifying words they use as accompaniments. The most common modifier for Chick is: Hot. To call a woman a
hot chick is objectifying, or at least has a strong sexual component. The most common way you hear Broad used is with Great, as in
What a great Broad! The speaker is implying strong approval of the woman’s personality.
A Broad is a woman who is quite secure in her femininity, yet is at ease with, and enjoys the company of, men in whom she may have no romantic or physical interest. And most men are able to deal with her on equivalent terms. She deals with women like a woman, and with men like a man. Broads say and do some things like a man, and some like a woman. But not always the same things. Broads are individualists who have a much lower than normal concern for looking girlish or feminine to others. Broads know that they are feminine, dammit, and don’t need to prove it to anyone, unless she wants to. Most people who use the word Broad are older, and most women whom they are talking about are older as well. But any aged woman can be a broad.
As I was trolling the Web, looking for Pegu references, I ran across this blogpost on MySpace. The girl is only 24 years old, and her homepage plays Christina Aguilera and the background consists of male underwear models. But she is definitely a Broad. She goes to Vegas to gamble and party. She is willing to model her behavior after old men, and admit it publicly. She likes to shop at Home Depot. Yet she revels in
getting free sh*t for being a girl. And she posts the (correct) recipe for Pegus as an example of manly drinks for women.
See? A Broad.
So, are Broads hot?
Done with the dishes, huh? Broads are not necessarily hot. But to a lot of men, myself included, being a Broad makes a woman more attractive than she would otherwise be. To other men, Broads are a turn-off. Your mileage may vary.
Thanks for doing the dishes, but I’m still talking here. None of this addresses why Broads would like Pegus.
Yeah, this post has really gone off the rails, hasn’t it? I’ll try to get back on topic.
I’m not saying Broads like Pegus—everyone has their own tastes. I’m saying that a Broad is more likely to try one than a Chick, for instance. And if a Broad discovers that she likes Pegus, she will drink them in front of others who know what a Pegu is. Pegus aren’t sweet, and they aren’t pretty. They are not conducive to giggling. They pack a wallop, and taste like it. In short, they are not girlish. Chick Drinks like White Zinfandel, the Pina Colada, and even the common Cosmo are closer spiritually to Coca-Cola than they are Pegus.
Of course, a Broad might drink one of these chick drinks, if her tastes go that way. But I hope not, because I usually like Broads, and
Friends Don’t Let Friends Drink White Zinfandel!