Happy Birthday to Me!

OK, my birthday isn’t until Saturday, but Maggi sprung one of my presents on me early, and you should all prepare to just be jealous. (My wife does do the awesome gifts, don’t she?)
Behold, the Blendtec Total Blender, ye lesser home bar owners, and despair!
The PeguWife, and PeguOffspring, were at Costco yesterday when they found themselves staring at a huge, live demo of the Blendtec, complete with dude wearing the little carny-approved microphone headset.

Hi! Vince here….

Shut up. It wasn’t you. And aren’t you in jail?

The Polithe thought I’th thuffered enouth….

Anyway, the guy who was there was an articulate salesman, as my wife came home with said blender, and my children came home with heads full of blender facts, demanding cabbage ice cream. I kid you not.
Since you are an internet reader, you doubtless are at least passingly familiar with the Blendtec blender. There simply has been no more successful viral marketing campaign in the history of… ever, than the Will It Blend? videos.

It’s got a 64 oz. jar with a three inch heavy duty blade. 1500 watts of power. Computerized smart controls. Computerized, mind you. The tips of the blade spin at over 320 mph! I snark because I care. It really is an amazing piece of engineering that outstrips other blenders by miles. While most blenders feel burly at 3/4 horsepower, this guy has three. More than 20,000 rpms lets it do some wild stuff that I’ll write about as I try it out. Oh, and I got a seven year warranty, too.
Only one force in the universe can withstand its power:
Ice? Not a chance! Not only will this puppy shred as much ice as you can fit in the jar with contemptuous ease, the shape and computerized cycles will create a perfectly uniform, smooth beverage with no poking, shaking, or cursing.

Yeah, sure. I don’t believe it.
I’ve been making frozen Margaritas for years, Bub.
You are just being a marketing victim!

No ma’am, I have already put it through its paces. Like me, Maggi is suffering from Tiki Lag, defined as the continuing desire for Mai Tais, even though Tiki Month is over. She felt it important that I get my gift early, so that not only could she have a Mai Tai, but a frozen Mai Tai. I’m pleased to report that if you take a great cocktail and turn it into a Slurpee, it will still be a great cocktail. (Pegu attempts not recommended)
No, here is the only force able to withstand the Blendtec, far mightier than mere Titanic-destroying frozen water:

OK, come on.
You just are doing this post as an excuse to post videos!

Nothing could be further from the truth…. OK, it’s partly the truth. But mostly, I’m doing this because all the greatest bloggers must blender-blog from time to time. And this really is a cool device that will be useful for more in the bar than just making frozen daiquiri-like cocktails. Fresh fruit purées and juices are a cinch with this device. You can even make soup, hot soup, from scratch with the Blendtec.

This Basement Bar is now the ultimate power in the universe!

The Blendtec even has alchemical powers. Watch what Tom puts in there to get out a tasty meal of roast pork!

I’ll have lots more to write about this puppy, silly and serious. There are lots of things I see that I can do with this with drinks, and I can see that there are lots of things I could do with it that I can’t see yet.


  1. Jac

    2 April

    You are so freakin’ spoiled by that woman…

      (Quote)  (Reply)

  2. Doug

    2 April

    Don’t I know it, baby!

      (Quote)  (Reply)

  3. Dr. Bamboo

    3 April

    Did it actually come with the sparkles and lens flares that are shown in the picture?

      (Quote)  (Reply)

  4. Doug

    3 April

    No, those were part of the special Photoshop accessory pack.

      (Quote)  (Reply)

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