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The Bartender Singularity Takes a Creepy Turn

The Bartender Singularity Takes a Creepy Turn

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The face of the Bartender Singularity…?

No, not the black hole kind of singularity, but the kind of singularity where humans produce a machine that does a job indistinguishably from humans, or even better. The mighty Instapundit loves to point out every example of a nascent singularity that he can find, or pretend to find. Me, I confine myself to cheerfully threatening my bartender friends with every mechanized example of bartending equipment I see as if it is the impending Bartender Singularity. Further, I’ve noticed a trend that said Bartender Singularity seems to often come with an extra layer of sexually-tinged (or -slathered) creepiness. It has lead me to expect that when a real singularity does arrive, it will be wearing leather….

We are not even close yet, in the real world, but, well, the next step is upon us…. and it wears leather. Or lace. You know, user customization is all the rage these days.

Japanese sex-doll maker Orient-Industry (link is NSFW) is demonstrating a modification to one of their popular models of $7,500 realistic latex sex dolls that turns “her” into a drink dispenser called Party Doll. One is pictured atop this post. Though she would not be dressed like that while in operation.

Yes folks, Japan remains the clubhouse leader in global, perverted weirdness. And it does so with products like this. I almost don’t want to describe how you operate the Party Doll, but in the interests of Journalistic Integrity™, I must. Also, in case you do not want to click the link below to watch the embedded video, you need to know what you are missing. To get your drink (I think “she” only makes one recipe), you hold your glass underneath one nipple, while you massage the other breast until your glass is full.
Yup. They went there.

Click for embedded NOT Safe for Work Video
No, really. It is not safe for work!


Got that? Did you watch the whole unnecessarily long thing? Good. Now remember that most bartenders are male, and let your imagination marinate in that set of pleasant imagery of our inevitable future.

You are welcome.

To wrap up, I’m glad we can all agree that real bartenders have little to fear from the Party Doll, but….

Wait a minute, Doug!
I don’t mean to pry, but just how in hell did you run across this particular product?
I mean, what dark alley of the internet were you Googl….

Oh! Thanks for the reminder! A post like this definitely needs a hat tip to my source, SPLOID! There, you can thank the Gawker family of sites for your nightmares, bartenders!


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